Notes

* This is probably the longest entry.

* The date is approximate (my best guess). It could be off by weeks. But the chance that it was a Friday, it is safe to say, is certain.

* This was the most legendary and best day of 2001 because I used the "TalkBoss" to record a conversation between me and the Emperor in the Space Ship. This is more like a play.

That night, I and the Emperor were in the aft quarters in the Space Ship.

The transcript is as follows:

Emperor: ...I know?

Me: Where YOU put them.

Emperor: Muahahahaha!!!

Me: The tape's recording. Ah well. At least. Good job I bought a new tape.

[some mumbling from both of us]

Me: Get back in bed!

Emperor: [made a good comeback and laughed maniacally]. Psychological warfare!

Me: What? Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! [Loud inhale] Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Emperor: Why did you have to take all this equipment with you?

Me: Because... I love it! Actually I'll rephrase that...

[some mumbling from both of us]

Emperor: I know... it's recording, isn't it?!

Me: And the tape's going to be called the night at the Emperor's... I mean, the night at the Space Ship. With the Emperor and Lyri.

[One of us hummed some Star Trek tunes, from the episode 'The Doomsday Machine']

Me: Wait a minute, I don't want that on the tape! But it's... too late... I should have told the Emperor to shut up before. Ah well.

Emperor: BOO!!

Me: You shalln't stop it recording. Whatever we say is going to be permanently... on... the...

Emperor: Do you think I'll be the first to eat breakfast in the morning?

Me: OH!

Emperor: It's the scary one... it's the real one!

Me: Oh, I've seen it, it's just Wally in Scotland, isn't it?

Emperor: No, it's....

Me: MY Character! In MY best country!

Emperor: You'll be scared by this... five-dimensional creature!

Me: Really? ... I will not.

Me: And nothing should make you think that I will.

Me: This will make a pretty good tape.

Me: Emperor?

Me: Won't it?!

[The Emperor started singing something from the Mask]

Me: Yes [in a squawky voice]. OK, he said yes.

Emperor: And last but not least - my favourite! [he then started singing the tune when the Mask makes a Tommy Gun from a balloon]

Me: Oh, it's just a Tommy Gun, isn't it?

Emperor: [continues singing the tune, extra long, then attacks]

Me: Why did you have to do that?!

[War breaks out]

Emperor: Now to use the Emperor's Death Flip!

Me: Death Flip?

Emperor: Uh-huh.

Emperor: That's a very nice book, Lyri. Thanks for giving it to me.

Me: It's mine! It's mine! Rah!

[I took the book off the Emperor]

Me: Yrrahh! I got it.

Emperor: It was the best one, that had the foot-face! The original foot-face on it.

Me: O-ri-gi-nal. Oh well.

[More war breaks out]

Emperor: Your money can't save you any more than it can save me! What's that out of?

Me: James Bond... or something.

Emperor: No. It's out Titanic.

Me: [surprised] Is it?!

[More war]

Me: Stop being a... Blob!

Emperor: Now to think of more plans... Hey, what are you doing in here? You're the enemy!

Me: I'm not!

[More war]

Me: Pretend I've got a bug. Pretend I'm in your secret base and you don't notice me.

Emperor: Right. [Dune 1984 impression] My plan. MY PLAN! THE plan. Crush... the Lyris! Hehehehe.

Emperor: Do you hear a sort of buzzing noise? I think it's a bug. Hmmm. Aha! Got it! I've got it here! Where did that bug come from? A fly!

Me: Then the mosquitos... attack! SSSSSSSSSSS!

Emperor: Aaaaah!

Me: They come to suck the bed juice.

Emperor: Bed juice? What the hell is bed juice?

Me: Mattress juice...

Emperor: Lyri, would you like to have a water bed?

Me: Yeh!

Emperor: With water in it and fishies in it, and it's clear...

Me: Yeah, and it's unbreakable.

Emperor: And you can see the fishes swiming around like that. You could go [flick] and the fish would go "eeek!" Then it would get a giant fist. And the giant fist would break the plastic like that. And then it would go up into the sky and break a hole in the house... and then it would go all the way.. [hits the tape recorder]

Me: Don't. Bash. The tape recorder.

Emperor [Bashes the tape recorder]

Me: Ahh! Stop it! Stop it!

Emperor: [Continues]

Me: Stop it! Ah! Please! It's not a very amusing thing. Stop!

Emperor: Now my army will invade Lyri.

Me: No it won't!

Emperor: The Lyris will be leaving soon, for the pillow, so-

Me: Don't. Bash it.

Emperor: -we should give us a plan. To crush the Lyris.

Me: Oh, I'm getting out of this stupid cover. [ripping sound effect]

Me: Now I'm coming out of my land, crushing the Emperor. Crush, crush, crush! Crush, crush! Crrrushh!! Just listen to him squealing.

Emperor: [squeals]

Me: Listen to him squealing... like a rabbit.

[War]

Emperor: Get your slimy claws off me. If the Lyris get their slimy claws on it... [similar to a quote from the movie 'Men In Black']

Emperor: The wall is so small, it can even fit inside the Earth!

Me: I think I'll scratch the wall. Scr...

Emperor: The wall's a very giant thing at the end of the universe.

Me: Really? It isn't!

Emperor: Won't you learn that... that size doesn't matter...

Emperor: If the Lyris get their slimy claws on it, kiss the Emperors goodbye.

Me: [Claw]

Emperor: Get your claws away!

Me: Goodbye!

Emperor: The Emperors beat the Lyris. Oh god, do you think... hey wait, that's quite a good technique, next time I see him I think I'll try it again. Tomorrow.

Me: Hehh.

Emperor: This is the next day. I've got a good technique now, I can knock people out just with my hands! Next day.

[More war starts]

Emperor: Next day [boom]

Emperor: Next day [boom]

Emperor: Look, my fists - my fists go together into the air and they both turn off when they get back down.

Me and the Emperor: Next day

Emperor: [Dramatic music sound effects]

Me: [Some Star Trek fighting music, from when Captain Kirk fights Spock]

Emperor: Don't even think about touching the wall!

[more war and disruption to the tape recorder]

Me: Next day.

[More war]

Me: So, Emperor, what can I diddly diddly doodly doodly doodly doodly

Emperor: Hey, really, this took a long time.

Me: Eheheheheee!

Emperor: Now, the invasion! Now where were we... Lyri was retreating back to his country wasn't he? I'll start the invasion to crush the Lyris!

Me: The Overgod said that knocks you out.

Emperor: Crush the Lyris...

[War]

Emperor: There. I crushed the Lyris. And go to Lyri's home, and give him a surprise attack. [Marching tune]

Me: Aah!

Emperor: I get... I get... Lyri, pretend the person... that's... your body is your army, but you've got to try and save your tape recorder because that's got your boss of your army in.

Me: [protects the tape recorder]

[Inaudible comments]

Emperor: ... an old, rusty and slimy rock...

[Inaudible comments]

Me: It's just a bug!

Emperor: [Inaudible comments]

Me: Really?!

[Loud war breaks out, with sound effects and music from both sides]

Emperor: Pretend I really do hit you now. [Bashes the tape recorder]

Me: Aaah!

Emperor: Next time, you faint.

[More war and screams, then The Captain comes in]

Captain: Lyri, where's your stuff in case you have an attack?

Me: There.

Captain: Oh. So you leave it over there.

Me: Yeah.

Emperor: I'm the doctor, so I have to get it for him...

Me: No, I do!

Emperor: ...and I have to carry him...

Me: You said...

Emperor: ...and, erm, stick him to the ceiling with an ounce of glue.

Me: Huh!

Emperor: Without a ton of glue.

Captain: Hey, children. Go to bobies.

Me and the Emperor: Haha!

Captain: Go to bebos.

Me: Bebos? I thought it was bobies!

Captain: Well, you can go to bebos as well. Bobies.

Me: Huh!

Captain: Hmm.

Me: Tell us the story of Frankenstein.

Captain: Frankenstein... he had bolts sticking out of his head. Ra, ra, ra! Ever seen any Frankenstein films, Emperor?

Emperor: No...

Captain: The old...

Emperor: It's an old story...

Captain: Made in the olden days, in black and white. The first talkies. The first talking pictures.

Me: Was it the first one ever?

Captain: Yeah.

Me: First film ever?

Captain: Oh, no, not the first film ever. They started making films over a hundred years ago.

Me: First sound one?

Captain: And sound...

Me: First talking one?

Captain: ... came out when I was about 3 years old, 2 years old. And my dad took me to the pictures. My mum and dad took me to the pictures.

Me: And what was that?

Captain: It was called the Jazz Singer. And...

Yeoman: Has he got his stuff?

Captain: Yeah, it's there.

Captain: He only said one word at the end of the film, and he was dressed in black... he had black paint on and was singing on the stage, and his mum was down below and he says "Mammy". And that was the only word in the whole film. Not even music.

Me: Was everyone amazed?

Captain: They had captions.

Emperor: Mammy?

Me: Was everyone amazed though, that... that...?

Captain: Yeah, to hear him. Everybody went to the pictures just to hear one word. "Mammy".

Me and the Emperor: [Laughing]

Captain: He used to sing on the stairs, like that. Big white lips. Black face. White lips.

Me: Was he black?

Captain: No, he was white, but he used to sing Jazz - "Mammy, I'd walk a million miles for your smiles, my mammy!" [laughs] "The sun shines East, the sun shines West, but I know where the sun shines best"

Me: What did they used to was, they used to have, like, a tape recorder with it as well. Just to play music with it.

Captain: Yeah. But...

Me: But they couldn't play songs though.

Captain: A few years ago, it showed you some of the very early films, and there was very little talking in it. But they'd be in the street and they.... you didn't see them speaking, their back would be towards you and you wouldn't see their mouth moving. But you'd hear a voice. And you'd hear the sound of traffic and horns blowing, like a busy London street. Hoink hoink! And things like that. As if it was a busy London thoroughfare. But it was a sound movie do you see. They didn't use a lot of voice. And, do you know, they had microphones, and they'd be talking at a table, and there'd be microphones inside lamps like that, and they'd have to go near the lamp like that, and go "Oh, you don't say!" [laughs] They'd all have to speak loud into the microphone.

Me: Was it that big?

Captain: A big microphone.

Me: That big? You can get ones that big now.

Captain: Some of them would have them in their sleep and they'd go like this.

Emperor: Lyri... Lyri's got a microphone that's this big. Like a stick, like that. No, it's like that on the end...

Me: They used to have big lumps like this.

Captain: The very first ones were big.

Me: The ones like that are now... no, the latest one's like that... like that... and...

Captain: And if anyone was singing on the stage or at a dance band, they were singing through a big mike. But before they had electric microphones, before 1930, they used to sing into a Tannoy.

Me: Horn?

Captain: Yeah, it used to come out like that. Oh Mammy, mammy! Dead funny they were. A big horn, to make the voice sound louder.

Me: I reckon theatres might have been more popular back then.

Captain: Oh yeah, there was no television. No entertainment. Anyway, time to go to bobies. Tara!

[War between the Emperor and me commenced]

Me: Shut up!

Captain: Do you want the light off now?

Me: Ermmm, no.

Captain: Don't you want the light off?

Emperor: Actually, turn it off.

Me: No, I want to read

Captain: You've got a sore eye haven't you?

Me: No...

Emperor: It's nearly 11 o'clock!

Me: Err...

Emperor: It's about an hour until midnight.

Emperor: Switch it off!

Me: Captain! [The Captain didn't hear] Damn.

Emperor: It's about 2 hours until midnight, Lyri, no need to worry about your midnight feast, eating it now Lyri.

Me: Well I recorded all that what The Captain said and it's still recording!

Emperor: Lyri.

Me: What?

Emperor: You recorded the whole story?!

Me: Yep.

Emperor: Hmm. OK, let's listen to it.

Me: No.

Emperor: Please.

Me: No! [laughing]

Emperor: [more high pitched] Please!

Me. Tomorrow.

Emperor: [starts very high pitched scream]

Me: Shh!

Emperor: [continues scream]

Me: Shhuddup!

Emperor: Lyri, why not?

Me: We'll have to listen it tomorrow because we're still taping what happens tonight, on that side.

Emperor: Oh Kay. Right. Are you going to show it to The Princess when we get back?

Me: Yeah. It's already done half the tape. A quarter of the whole thing. See?

Emperor: Half time?

Me: Yeah, look.

Emperor: Oh yeah, it's done a lot.

Me: On screen. [pointing at the tape] That's the bit that hasn't been taped and that has been taped. The colour's different, isn't it?

Emperor: What is?

Me: The colour of that, and the colour of that. One's light brown and one's dark brown. When it's dark brown it's been taped and when it's light brown it isn't. Oh, yeah, maybe some of the tape is closer together than the other one?

Emperor: Hm.

Me: Grr! See, it's on properly now. [Started singing something]

Emperor: Have you got a full battery?

Me: [continued singing]

Emperor: Eh?

Me: [continued singing]

Emperor: Lyri, have you got a full new battery in that port?

Me: Well, it's still going light green colour, isn't it?

Emperor: [crushing sound]

Me: What do you think you're doing to my head?

Emperor: The torch is unreal.

Me: Fake.

Emperor: The torch is unreal! [laugh]

Emperor: I'm trying to do the Vulcan thingy! I'm trying to do the...

Me: [laughs] Shut up!

Emperor: I'm trying to do the Emperor thingy-wingy.

Emperor: The torch is fake.

Me: The torch is not fake.

Emperor: Unreal!

Me: Real.

Emperor: It is to be ignored.

Me: It is to be...

Emperor: Shadows. Illusions.

Me: There is a warning on it, it is to be looked at a lot.

Emperor: They are to be ignored.

Me: Real. They are not to be ignored.

Emperor: They. Are. Illusions.

Me: They are not illusions.

Emperor: They are images. Unconscious.

Me: Real.

Emperor: They are unreal.

Me: They are real.

Emperor: They are to be ignored.

Me: They are... real...

Emperor: There, I've done it to you. So you think that they are...

Me: They are... real... they must not be ignored...

Emperor: Because I did the Vulcan thingy-wingy, are you about to do the Lyri thingy-wingy to me?

Me: Yes. The orange stone on the moon is... absolutely unreal.

Emperor: "Derpy derpy derp derp"

Me: In the American's version...

Emperor: You're meant to say "derpy derpy derp"!

Me: The Americans say... Emperor, the Americans say...

Emperor: The Americans go "derpy derpy derp derp".

Me: No, the Americans go: "The orange stone that we found on the moon, is absolutely unreal! Uuunn-real!"

Emperor: Hoo! Haa!

Me: Shaddap!

Emperor: Woo woo woo woo woo! Oy oy oy oy oy!

Me: Shaddap!

Emperor: [laughs]

Me: Hey, shaddap! Shut up, Shut! Up! [a 'Mars Attacks' quote].

Emperor: ["Who me?" in Whistleflect language]

Me: Shut up!

Emperor: ["Who me?" in Whistleflect]

Me: Shut... your....

Emperor: Lyri?

Me: Trayayayayap.

Emperor: Lyri? I think if we did all the people here, I think you would be science officer and engineering officer.

Me: Really?

Emperor: And I would be navigation officer.

Me: Well, I guess I need the intel because I want that engine. And it's another Salter Merit science set.

Emperor: Hmm.

Me: And I don't know what else I can get for Christmas. You know, everything else is...

Emperor: It's a something combusion engine, what?

Me: Internal.

Emperor: What does it do?

Me: It's a motor, with some batteries and a spark plug, and it has lots of little things what the motor powers what's inside.

Emperor: Hmm.

Me: And it combusts things. Know what that means?

Emperor: No.

Me: It makes something react with something else to make something and something, and maybe some other things.

Emperor: If we put everyone into the movie of Star Trek, you would be Spock and Scotty.

Me: You might have to put some fuel in it, and that would be really good, wouldn't it?

Emperor: The Viscount would be Sulu, The Princess would be Doctor McCoy. The Countess would be... Nurse...

Me: Chapel. Nurse Chapel?

Emperor: The Viscount would be Sulu.

Me: Who would The Princess be?

Emperor: Doctor McCoy.

Me: The Princess would be Doctor McCoy?!

Emperor: Uh huh.

Me: Who would The Viscount be then? Transporter officer.

Emperor: No, The Viscount would be security officer. Sulu. The Viscount would be Sulu.

Me: Mr. Sulu?

Emperor: Yeah. And I would be Chekov. And you would be Scotty.

Me: And Spock?

Emperor: And you would be Spock as well. And the Overgod would be Captain Kirk. And the Overgoddess would be... Admiral officer...

Me: Admiral Jones, out the Medusa one.

Emperor: Hmm.

Me: Remember? Hmm.

Me: Admiral Parkinson!

Emperor: Well, I hate that though. Admiral Johnson Wokee. Admiral Spotch. Admiral Spud. Admiral Spud. Admiral James Spud. Is that...

Me: Admiral Blobslinger.

Emperor: Admiral Spud James.

Me: [laughing]

Emperor: Admiral Spud Bonaparte.

Me: That's a good name isn't it?

Emperor: What, Admiral Spud Bonaparte?

Me: No, the one I said.

Emperor: What's that?

Me: Admiral Blobslinger.

Emperor: Haha, Admiral Blobslinger?

Me: Yeah.

Emperor: Hahaha, do you think his latest Ancestor might have been in the late 60s... when they... in the late 1940s... when they... no, in the late 1960s... when they... in the late 60s...

Me: 1969?

Emperor: And then they... he used to sling blobs.

Me: Hahaha!

Emperor: He used to sling...

Me: That's better than Mr. Sludgesurfer isn't it?

Emperor: Yeah! And the Blob came... one day...

Me: And he slinged it! [laughing]

Emperor: [laughing] He got his sling out... his worst enemy was next to him. So he slinged the Blob into his face. And everyone called him Blobslinger. And then, later on, his ancestor, his great great great great grandad, said, "I am admiral Blobslinger, and I want Captain Kirk placed under arrest". What if there was a Klingon called Admiral Blobslinger?

Me and the Emperor: [Laughing]

Emperor: Remember Bruce Bogtrotter?

Me: Bruce Bogtrotter. [Laughing] Swamp.

Emperor: [Laughing] Yeah, a bog is a swamp. So it was someone who trots along swamps!

Emperor: Er... Mrs. err... Bull... Pinbull said... hahaha! I can't say it [laughing too much].

Me: Or Mrs. Dogbouncer.

Emperor: Trunch... er... Bruce Bogtrotter! [in a Mrs Trunchbull voice] hehehe!

Me: Hehehehe!

Emperor: It's why people call a bog a toilet. Or, someone who trots along toilets. And jumps over the wall into the other one. And trots along the walls, like that. And at the shop, he'll look at all the toilets... for sale... and he'll go... bog-trotting like that: ta-tata-ta-ta-ta!

Me: [laughs]

Emperor: And when he goes to the Three Sisters... if he went to that place where we were... he'd probably be bog-trotting all over it. He'd be going...

Me: [looking at the tape] Look how far it is done now!

Emperor: He'd be going trit trot trit trot tritty trot trot... all over it. Wouldn't he?

Emperor: Maybe it means, when his ancestor got his family name, he used to trot his horse, over bogs!

Me: Yeah? That might be it.

Emperor: And everyone called him bogtrotter... because he was really good at trotting over bogs.

Me: Hmm.

Emperor: And when he went out, he went out bogtrotting.

Emperor: I've remembered what it was like, from the movie now, it went: BRUCE... BOGTROTTER!

Me: And then the fat boy went...

Emperor: BRUCE... BOG-TROTTAH! No I'll do it again now... after that... right... BRRRUCE... BOG-TROTTAH!

Me: Yeah that's it. That's what Mrs Trunchbull said.

Emperor: Hahaha! Trunchbull.

Me: I wonder where the name Trunchbull came from?

Emperor: Did you... stop the tape recorder there?

Me: No. [shows the Emperor the green light on the tape recorder] Tiii! Rrre-cording. I mean...

Emperor: [in a squeaky voice] Mrs Trunchbull?

Me: Ahahaha.

Emperor: There's another funny word...

Me: What is it?

Emperor: You'll laugh when I say it... hahaha... Amanda... Thripp!!

Me: Amanda Thripp? Haha.

Emperor: Haha yeah! Hahahaha!

Me: Amanda Thripp.. haha... Amanda Thripp...

Emperor: Amanda Thrrrip!!

Both: [laughing]

Emperor: That's the little girl with the pony-tails where she went...

Me: [in a Trunchbull voice] "What are those THINGS hanging by your ears?"

Emperor: [in an Amanda Thripp voice] They are my pig-tails, Mrs Trunchbull.

Me: [in a Trunchbull voice] "Are you a PIG, Amanda?"

Emperor: [in an Amanda Thripp voice] "No, Mrs Trunchbull?"

Me: [in a Trunchbull voice] "And do I allow PIGS into my school?"

Emperor: [in an Amanda Thripp voice] "um... no, Mrs Trunchbull."

Me: [in a Trunchbull voice] "I will punish you for that." [Music and sound effects of Mrs Trunchbull picking up Amanda Thripp by the pig-tails and throwing her over the school fence]. Whoosh, whoosh.

Emperor: [In a squeaky voice getting quieter] "Eeeeee." [Sound effects and music of flying away]. And after that she...

Me: No... I've got a good sound what it did when she was flying along... it went: [then I briefly sang part the tune of today's theme]. Didn't it?

Emperor: And then she went through the flowers and then she went to Miss... Honeymelon.

Me: [burst out laughing]

Emperor: And said... or Mrs Honeywell I think...

Me: Honeywell? Honey Well?!

Emperor: I wonder where all these names beginning with Honey come from. People... who are nice. So their name should be...

Me: Like, Honey, I Shrunk The Kids?

Emperor: No, like someone's name... of the person... when the person is nice... like Mrs Honeymelon or something... Mrs Honeywell and...

Me: Mrs... Di-choronium.

Emperor: I've just thought of another funny word, what if she went... hahaha... BRRRUCE LEMON-SCOFFER! Hehehe! Bruce Lemon-sculfer! Bruce Lemon-chopper! Bruce Wood-nutter!

Me: Bruce... Tungsten-carver. Hahaha.

The Emperor: Bruce —

Me: Er... I'm taking over... because of this horrible word that the Emperor said...

Emperor: Shut up about it! Just pretend it didn't happen...

Me: OK.

Emperor: And don't tell the Princess what the word is...

Me: I will not... But she'll know that the Emperor said a strange, horrible word...

Emperor: Yeah I'm quite sure of that.

Me: But we won't tell her what it is. We'll say it was... Bruce... Fluorine.

Emperor: Now she'll know! Now she knows! Idiot. Now she knows, you stupid idiot, now she's laughing and giggling isn't she! I can hear her right now, laughing and giggling away. Laughing and giggling, giggling, giggling giggling giggling giggling ha ha ha ha ha.

Me: I don't hear her laughing and giggling.

Emperor: Can't you? You must be deaf, she is, I'm quite sure of it.

Me: Wellll, I heard you just then but I can't hear the Princess.

Emperor: Now where's that voice coming from... [going up to the microphone] It's coming from there isn't it Princess? There you are, Princess!

Me: [Beginning a commentary] The Emperor is acting... strangely to the tape recorder...

Emperor: Princess! I know...

Me: He thinks that the Princess is inside it...

Emperor: Bruce... Chair-sitter!

Me: No that's natural.

Emperor: I have a great fwend in Wome called Brrruce Bogtrotter!

Me: Nah, that's not funny any more. Bruce Bogtrodder.

Emperor: Mrs Trunchbull's funny. What does trunch mean?

Me: Trench.

Emperor: I don't think it means anything, really.

Me: Mis-spelling of trench.

Emperor: Maybe she's very closely related to an elephant because she's very big and chunky...

Me: And she trunches every time, and she...

Emperor: Like a ball...

Me: She looks like a ball, and she trunches!

Emperor: No, her nana used to have a nose that looked like a troll, and...

Me: That!

Emperor: And her grandad was a soldier in the trenches... and they crossed the word into Trunch. And her dad also owned a herd of bulls, who had rings in their noses, and were also very big and fat. And chunky. And he would call them: Brrruce Trunchbull. Mrs Trunchbull, I mean.

Me: Why doesn't... [inaudible word] Trunchbull...

Emperor: You remember that drawing of Wellington, Lyri?

Me: What?

Emperor: Who had a squashed face and a big tall hat? ...that went really really high... and it said "The Duke of Wellington" next to it?

Me: Hmm...

Emperor: It was funny, that. And he was inside a boot. He was inside a boot. Inside a wellington boot.

Me: Emperor?

Emperor: Hey Lyri, do you know what the man in Dune was called? He was called... You-ee Ell.

Me: [Sniggering]

Emperor: Doctor You Ell Wellington. And he was an Atreides. Mr Blobslinger. I've just thought of a good idea. A Jim Carrey film called... Blob 4. In the start it would say, here's the new guy in town. His name is Mr Blobslinger. And it was Jim Carrey. He said "My name is Mr. Blobslinger". And they said "That's a nice name"...

Me: Hmm.

Emperor: ..."That's a strange... a er... nice name, er... where'd you get it from?" "Oh, my great Grandad used to... it's a bit of a mystery really, but he said to my Grandad... that he... used to sling blobs, or something like that." "Blobs?"

Me: And then.. Jim Carrey's friend... he was called Mr Blobdisintegrator.

Emperor: And he went, "Oh, Mr Blobdisintegrator. Er... this is a strange day for me, I'm getting a bit puzzled- no, er, nothing's wrong... Mr Blobdisintegrator? Okay, er, this settles things... where'd you get your name, Mr Blobdisintegrator?" "Well, my Great great grand-"

Me: "-grandad- was called Doctor McCoy, and he beamed... he..."

Emperor: "No, he got a phaser, and he like..."

Me: "A strange light came and he came onto the planet, he was wearing blue and a shiny thing on his chest, and he pulled out a black thing with a... a gold layer on it, and a..."

Emperor: "A phaser?"

Me: "And a diamond-looking thing on the front, and pointed it at the red splodge on the floor, which had absorbed 20 people, and fired! And then...

Emperor: "And then it disintegrated..."

Me: "The blob... was no longer there. Our word for it was, it disintegrated. So... we called him... blob-disintegrator. And he kept his little... he calls it a phaser... but, the trouble is, the power pack has run out with it... a long time ago, so... and he was from the future, so... can't get another power pack. We'll have to just wait until they develop spacecraft. Which he won't be alive for. So he'll never ever see a brand new power pack in his life. Ahhh. And maybe he had a spare power pack, and it wasn't being used, and it was only to be used in emergencies for disintrgrating blobs.

Both: [Enacting a scene from a Star Trek episode, where an alien puts his arms in the air to distract a Klingon and shouts, "Klingon!" expectantly, and gets disintegrated, then other alien threw his deadly frisbee and killed the Klingon]

Emperor: [Repeated the above scene]

Me: Hey, you're not supposed to repeat it!

Emperor: [Begins repeating it again]

Me: I believe it is near the end.

Emperor: Thank you, you've been a lovely audience, and I...

Me: Well, there's quite a long time till the end actually.

Emperor: [Begins singing Yellow Submarine] In the time, where I was born, lived a mayayan, who-

Both: [I joined in singing] Who sailed to sea [tsh, tsh] and he told [tsh, tsh] us of his land, in the land, of submarines.

Emperor: So we sailed,

Both: Up to the sun, where we found a sea of green,

Me: [echo] Sea of green... I mean...

Emperor: And we lived,

Both: Beneath the waves, in a yellow submarine.

Me: Tan-ta-tan-ta-tan.

Both: We all live in a yellow submarine. A yellow submarine. A yellow submarine.

Me: Tok!

Both: We all live in a yellow submarine.

Me: Tok!

Both: A yellow submarine.

Me: Tok!

Both: A yellow submarine. And our friends, were all aboard. Many more of them, live next door. And the band begins to play.

Both: Da-da-da-dunch-a-dunch-a-dunch, da-da-da-dinch-a-dinch-a-dinch.

Both: We all live in a yellow submarine. A yellow submarine. A yellow submarine. We all live in a yellow submarine. Yellow submarine.

Emperor: Yellow submarine di-di-di-di-

Me: [Instrumental sound effects] Tan taaan. Tan taaan. Tan taan. Tish.

Both: [more sound effects, vocal effects]. As we live (tish, tish). A life of ease (tish, tish). Every one of us, is all we need (tish, tish). Sky of blue, and sea of green, in our yellow, submarine.

Me: We all live in a yellow submarine, re-petitive. And the other song was [put on a very deep, growling voice] "Cruel garden, cruel garden, birds of prey are on the wing. Cruel garden, cruel garden, hope I can survive the spring. Oh-oh-oh. Gotta get home in the night. Oh-oh-oh. Shouldn't be down 'ere at night".

Both: [laughing].

The tape ended there.