2012 was the second-wettest year on record, and also by far the most boring year on record. The most exciting things that happened this year were the Queen's Jubilee and the London Olympics. The latter was characterised by its regular downpours.

Although the optimistic meteorologists predicted a beautiful and glorious year, the weather gods had fallen asleep after 2011 and didn't put much effort in. In Britain, the Rain god left the taps on. The summer was predicted to be hot and sunny, and instead we got a boring, cloudy and rainy summer. Just to rub it in, there was a major drought, even though it was still raining.

The anti-global-warming-ists liked the summer because it was cold and some cold winters had happened in previous years, so they were telling us we should be more worried about global cooling. In the winter, however, their red lies (committed in wilful ignorance) were smashed. 2012's winter was predicted to be very cold and snowy, and instead we got a boring, cloudy and rainy winter. It's a wonder that the plants could tell the seasons apart at all - most of the humans couldn't. And on top of this, Britain was waterlogged with floods.

In terms of world situations, various internal conflicts in the Middle East have happened. At least according to the original leaders of the countries suffering from internal conflicts, an organisation known variously as either "The Base" or "The Foundation" is responsible for instigating these civil wars, although the ultimate reason why they were clearly started is because 2012 was way too boring and something - anything - had to be done. The Base (or Foundation) appears strongly supported by the BBC and other major global factions.

The end of the world was also supposed to happen on the 21st of December, according to the Mayan calendar. Although towards the end of the year, many people fell into large quantities of water (off bridges, ships, piers etc), not everyone was lost.

2013 would have to work very hard to be more boring than 2012. We expect some excitement :)